Sunday, March 9, 2014


I never knew this point in my life would come this early. I never knew it would even come at all.

All my friends are succeeding in life right now. Newly-elected in the USC, ASC, executive committees, and whatnot. Don't get me wrong with this one, I am not the envious type. I am absolutely happy for them, and I have given and will be constantly giving my full support. What I'm trying to say is this: How about me? What am I doing with my life?

Don't get me wrong with this one, either. I am happy with my life right now. I am trying to make the most of 2014. It's just that sometimes I get this feeling of inadequacy. I recently got nominated for a position in one of my orgs, but without even thinking it through, I declined my candidacy. Like I always do. Because. I. Feel. Inadequate. Okay, maybe some of you reading this, especially my friends, would want to slap me in the face right now and I'll probably be getting hour-long sermons about this, yada, yada, yada. There are just so many things I want to do, so many things I want to be, but I feel so limited. I am bounded by my fear of standing in the circle. Ironic, for some highly extroverted social being. I am afraid of responsibility, and this fear disgusts me. I don't like having to prove myself to people, but I guess that's how you survive in the real world?

So where does this go from here?

It's embarrassing how I'm already in my third year in college, and this still bothers me. So, baby steps. Take more risks. Accept more challenges. LET. GO. OF. THIS. STUPID. IRRATIONAL. FEAR.

But as of now, in this journey of self-discovery and building self-esteem (AHAHA yuck Cai pls), I could only do so much by trying to be a good person (hmm, couldn't say 'better' because I have to be good first hahaha). A good friend, daughter, sister, roommate, orgmate, and student (huhu okay I'll study physics later).

No comments:

Post a Comment