Monday, July 7, 2014


I could not find any other way to start this post, so this is how it will begin: I have been venturing through a series of euphoria and despair recently. I'm pretty sure that if I were rich enough, and if my parents were as convinced as I am, I would have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder already. *lets out big sigh of relief, or maybe an exhale of melancholy breath, I could not tell*

See, I have this problem of being extremely selfish and extremely giving at the same time - there are no grays. Friendship is always, and I repeat: ALWAYS a staple priority in my life, and I wouldn't trade this for anything, even my own happiness. For my own happiness is a reflection of theirs; my mood is their mirror, my smile is theirs to draw, my laughter, an echo of their joy.

They say everyone has a mission on Earth. When asked, I only have one straight answer to that - and that is to give joy to others. Simple. And that is what I live for. To see everyone around me happy, sometimes to the extent of sacrifice. Sacrifice should be a good thing, I know, but sometimes it just hurts. so. bad. Sometimes, I get clouded with doubt, asking myself if everything was/is worth it, and that's where my selfishness snakes in. It is both a blessing and a curse to have that limited to a feeling, because I leave it there. I leave it to consume me, and I do not move. And it makes me sad.

And it's depressing, really, to have to choose between two things.
Because I already know which one I'll pick.
And it wouldn't be me.

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