Recently, for about three weeks now, I've been falling into a series of depression. I've been feeling down for dozens of reasons. Two of which are Arch 2 and stress (they could actually come as a pair). I've been hating on Arch 2 for quite a while now because it's been making me feel like shit. Sometimes I feel like it smacks me on the face saying, "so how'd you like your stay in Arki?" I know that people people, especially my AC batchmates still judge me for shifting to Architecture because I don't think I was ever known for my drawing skills let alone artistic abilities. Maybe they knew I had good working hands and neat handwriting, but I was never an artist of any sort. In grade school, yes, but in high school, things just changed.
Anyway, earlier today I was already crying because I really did not feel like doing my Arch 2 plates and I felt really bad about me not having artistic abilities especially when it comes to watercolor, but then I figured it might have been my inner antagonistic thoughts pulling myself apart, telling me I couldn't do it. I already decided on not submitting my plates tomorrow but there was this little part of me telling me to go grab a freaking pen and just start scribbling. And so I did.
After three weeks of dying on the inside, I felt revived after finishing my pen and ink plate earlier tonight. I wasn't able to do the watercolor version of this one anymore because of my crap choices in life, but I am immensely happy and proud of myself for not giving up. In fact, my plate didn't turn out that bad after all.
I am too afraid of the future to let go of my dreams.
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