Doughnuts

I wrote this last summer when my grandmother passed away. :(





This is the WORST DAY OF SUMMER `08.
`Cause here`s how it goes.

Yesterday was JM`s birthday. So we had a PARTEEYYY last night at Alta Costa.

WOOHOO. That was fun. Daaaarn.

I went home at 11:00 pm. I opened the door. I saw a GIGANTIC RAT.
It was about 8 inches big.

So, I ran to my lola`s house, screaming.
Mom was like "Stop shouting, stupid."

[Okayyyy. Maybe without "stupid". But THAT was the missing word to complete the sentence.]

I was full of sand and Dad told me to go to Bita (that`s how I call my lola because when I was a baby, I did not know how to say abuelita. So there.).

I went in.
I was friggin dirty.

I saw her trying to catch her breath as if every breath was the last she could breathe.
She looked so blue.
I was so *thinks* scared, I guess.

I was there. Sitting with all of `em. Praying the rosary. Until 12:30.

I was soooooo sleepy. I whispered in Bita`s ear, "Goodnight. I`m going to sleep na".
Thinking I would still wake up the next day to hug her and say that I love her.

I slept.


Then, I heard my mom waking me up. It was 3:00 am.

She said, "Carin, Carin, wake up!"

Me: "Why?"

Mom: "Bita passed away na kanina at 1:50"

Me: "Okay."

Mom: "Are you sure you`re awake?"

Me: "Yes, Mom" (But my eyes were still closed.)

Then I heard Jo say, "Mom! I wanna go with you!"



Then I stood up.
We went to the other house.

My eyes were wide open. She wasn`t breathing anymore. Mom was sitting on her bed beside her. She told me to feel Bita. Mom said she was so cold. And I was like, (in my mind) *I wouldn`t touch a dead body!*. I`m too scared. :)). Okay, enough of the funny part.

Everytime I think of her, I want to cry. But at 3 am, not a single tear fell from my eyes. Then I went out and sat on the sofa outside. I was so quiet. So speechless. I did not say anything. Not a single sound I made.

Then I went home. I could not sleep. But I still slept.

Then I woke up at about 9:30. I was so thirsty. My lips were so dry. My eyes were also dry.

I got dressed up.

I went to Ninang Patti`s room, hugged her. The bed where Bita was lying down was not there anymore. I was the one answering all the phone calls from Bita`s cellphone. Tears kept on falling from my eyes. I felt like there was something missing in me.

And here I am now, typing this while tears are crawling down my cheeks.






At least, before she died, I got the chance to tell her that I love her so much.